Goodnight Bears.

After Monday night's 24-13 loss to the Detroit Lions, the Bears are sitting at 2-3, in a division with two 5-0 teams, each of whom have beaten the Bears once.  So it's Columbus Day, and the Bears' only chance to make the playoffs will be as the #6 seed in the NFC.  But it's more likely that we'll see a slow, painful descent into mediocrity the rest of the way.  And given that the Packers look like they may not lose a game all year, I think I have an answer to the question I posed a couple of months ago:  where's that NFL lockout when you need it?

First Place! Woo-Hoo!

On a day where the Bears outgained the Lions 463 yards to 168 and knocked the Lions starting QB out of the game just before halftime, they still needed a technicality to beat the Lions 19-14. Bears' fans should be thankful that Matt Forte was there to provide some very powerful deodorant (the same goes for referee Gene Steratore). Otherwise, with the next three games being at Dallas, home against Green Bay, and at the Giants, we'd almost certainly be looking at an 0-4 start (not that 1-3 is anything to write home about).

Of course, this game shouldn't have been close, considering the yardage edge and the fact that the Lions played prevent offense for the entire second half with Matthew Stafford out of the game. Then again, the four Bears turnovers didn't help, nor did the 100 yards in penalties. And don't get me started on the Bears' decision to use the same goal-line playbook that Joe Paterno used in the 1979 Sugar Bowl. Seriously, they hire Mike Martz because he's some sort of offensive supergenius, and that's what they come up with - four runs up the middle on five plays from the one-yard line?

The good news is that Dallas appears to have a coaching staff that's just as stupid as ours, which gives us some hope. Wait, whom am I kidding? The Cowboys will probably be p***ed off about losing and take out their frustrations on the Bears. Whatever - I'm still going to enjoy looking down the standings at the Vikings while I can.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - Gettin' Some From Fox TV

Good news, fellow Bears fans - Fox Sports doesn't think our team sucks! Well, maybe they do, but at least they think our season-opening clash against the similarly putrid Lions isn't the most unappetizing matchup this Sunday.

As proof, they'll be sending Thom Brennaman and Brian Billick to cover Sunday's game. As you can see from this chart, there are three crews below Thommy and Billick in their pecking order. The #7 crew is off this week (there are only six games on Fox this Sunday), and the #5 and #6 crews are both covering the NFC West intra-division matchups. So we have that going for us for now, but I have a feeling we'll be getting a steady diet of Kurt Warner with Chris Myers or Chris Rose by the end of the season.

Oh, and some sympathy is in order for poor Thommy. Instead of enjoying his beloved Reds battling for their first division title in 15 years, he'll be stuck with this stink-bomb of a football game. I suspect he'll at least be keeping an eye on the baseball scoreboard and trying to work in references to the Reds game as often as he can. If there's an over-under on how many times he mentions the Reds during this game, take the over.